Prologue
The Liar?
She was hysterical, and her tears blinded her vision. Her tires dug into the pavement as she swerved around sharp curves on the mountain road. Hard rock music blared through her speakers, only adding to her hurt and frustration.
Viciously she wiped at the tears shimmering in her deep blue eyes. Still they fell, and she rubbed at them again. In the moment she took one hand from the wheel the car hit a deep pothole and jerked wildly toward the right. The front of the vehicle slammed against the guardrail, tearing through the metal with a horrible screech heard even over the loud music. The car seemed to hover in the air for a moment and she felt her anger vanish as she realized what she had done. The car dropped, and the woman's scream split the air as she plummeted toward the creek far below.
She did not survive.
Which really doesn't matter, as this story isn't about her—thank goodness. Though I must admit it would be entertaining to fall from such a height. At least, up until the part where one actually crashed into the water. That might not be so enjoyable. Unless, of course, one is a masochist—which, I hope, one is not. Or was not, seeing as how one is dead now. You may think me callous; that's your call.
Moving on.
Hi there, I'm Key. Pleasure. You're probably asking, “What kind of name is Key?” Trust me, you'll think it pretty normal by the end of my story, in comparison with a few others. Of course my proper name is Jason Sterling, but I prefer Key. As do my friends.
I want you to know here and now: I am a huge liar. Nearly everything I say is a lie. Though the fact I almost always lie could be a lie, and you'd never know. Especially since liars always lie, which means they lie about lying, but because it's a lie that doesn't really work, and you get all jumbled up trying to figure out exactly what I'm talking about and why. Not to mention why you are even attempting to understand the mind of a lying liar who doesn't not lie about lying or not.
Now that we've covered that, I want to commend you. You obviously haven't stopped reading yet, and that means some twisted part of you actually gets amusement from reading what I have to think. I'm impressed you comprehend me, or at least, you're making a good effort.
My mom once said my favorite pastime, aside from lying, was making long rants that made very little sense. I could be lying. Maybe she didn't say that, but you can decide for yourself whether or not to disbelieve me. I don't mind either way.
I just want you to know one more thing: Read on at your own peril.
Shall we begin?
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Critiques
I love the opening, it’s gripping and Key’s comments about the story not being about her are hilarious. It also helps to give us a preview of Key as he will be later in the story. The more ironic Key that would name someone…..who he did in Paradise Lost…..for instance. It brings a small touch of that into play, so we can see the seeds of his later character in who he is now.
However as it stands the most gripping part is the beginning….the part about someone whom we don’t ever see again in the story. It might help if the amount that introduces Key is longer than the amount on the woman. The beginning is a gripper and it gets the reader into the story right away. But once it’s served its purpose it might help to get the reader going in the rest of it just as strongly. The humor does help to do this.
The ironic and cynical humor is wonderfully done. The way you convey it in you’re sentences is smooth and fit’s with the descriptions and narrative. But, and I love the whole analogy, I think it might add more humorous impact to stop at “That might not be so enjoyable”. It would add more emphasis to this sentence, and shorten the bit about the woman. This however is more a personal thing. I do love the masochism comment, and it would be heart wrenching to not have it in there at all…..
Introducing Key’s lying nature right off the bat is a great decision. And the way you get the reader wondering about whether or not he’s going to be telling the truth is well done. But the narrative only tells us that he is a lier. It doesn’t get the reader asking many other questions about him, questions that they just HAVE to know the answers too. And some slight foreshadowing could be tied in to this as well.
I'm not sure if this fit's with Key's charactor. So just laugh at my attempts and think of this as an example of what I'm talking about. One with bad grammar.
Especially since liars always lie, which means they lie about lying, but because it‘s a lie that doesn‘t really work. But I never thought that my lying could get me into so much trouble. Or that it could change my life the way it did. Most importantly, though, is why I lie. That’s the kicker….must have been a traumatic childhood I guess…but I might be lying about that. Because that’s what I do. Now you’re all jumbled up trying to figure out exactly what I’m talking about and why.
Ect, ect, ect. You do this so much better, but you know what I mean. The reader gets foreshadowing with the mention of something to do with his childhood, but it’s very vague and could be anything. It gets the reader wanting to know exactly what he’s talking about and gets them asking questions about Key. This is the salt that gets them thirsty, and they have to read more to find the puddle of water. LOL. I’m not saying that this is what you should write. But getting the reader to ask questions is always a good thing. I'm saying this from the readers point of view, I love it when I just have to know more about the story. When I can't put the book down. You have that in plenty later on, but a little more in the begining would help me get into the story a lot faster.
Oh, and I’ve got to say…I love the fact that you mention his mom. It ties this in with the rest of the story really well. And the “long rants” was a great bit of humor. It was awesome the way that you carried the humor throughout.
So, awesome work!!!!!!I loved it!!!!!!! And I can’t wait for more!!!!!!!!!
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